Kavanagh's Law
Murphy's law states that "If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong and at the worst possible moment".O'Toole's law states that "Murphy was an optomist".
If you've ever done any web programming you'll realise that these two laws are not strong enough. This led me to formulate Kavanagh's law, which states that:
"If anything can go wrong, it already has gone wrong, and to make matters worse you are totally unaware that is has gone wrong, and you will not discover it until far too late and you may never be able to find it let alone fix it".
Please permit me to paint a scenerio to demonstrate the insideous workings of Kavanagh's law. We'll use an ordinary, non-programming example since not everybody understands programming languages, but listen up folks, this may save you tonnes of grief.
Van Gough, paint us a scenario if you please
Imagine this: A young man in his first job has just purchased his first motorcycle. It's a whatever and it needs repairs. He and his mates work on it all weekend. When purchased it had a seized engine due to a stripped cam chain that occurred when a crankshaft bearing seized whilst the engine was revving at 12000 rpm.
The guys stripped the engine down and replaced the entire crankshaft, since the moulded cam sprocket had worn teeth. New piston rings were fitted as well as a new camshaft. New bearings were added to the camshaft and the crankshaft, oh, mustn't forget the cam chain. One of the pistons was replaced due to excessive scoring. The cylinder wall looked passable. New plugs just for good measure.
Murphy's Law
It was getting expensive, some items were hard to get and had to be purchased new, plus the guys were drinking too much beer that had to be paid for out of some of the registration money: that's Murphy's law accounted for.
Oil was added to the assembled engine, petrol to the tank, kick it in the guts and see if it goes. Minimal tuning is required and the engine purrs happily. Monday the bike is due to be registered but there's not enough money till Friday.
Rather than waste money on a bus to work and keen to show off to his workmates, our youngun decides to ride to work. Besides, it's seven am and it's only three blocks then across the river to work. Never any cops about.
Unknown to our boy, a small sliver of steel from the original cam chain had lodged itself in the neoprene of an upper conrod bearing sleeve, stuck in the plastic it went unnoticed and was causing no immediate harm. At 3000 revs it wiggled about a bit.
Three blocks later on the approach to the bridge a flash of bright orange slinks past in the right lane leaving in its wake a deep rumble. Looks like a DeTomaso Pantera, kewl.
O'Toole's Law Our boy gives the throttle a little fistful of herbs and cruises up beside it to admire it. A Mediterranean man in his mid to late twenties is driving. Beside him sits a twentyish drop dead gorgeous blond pepper pot of a woman, their eyes meet.
Just at this moment the sliver of steel jams in the conrod bearing. Our boy's face is contorted with pain as the conrod tears free of its piston and spears itself through the engine wall. A shard of metal the size of a .44 slug flies through his right leg, smashing the bone in his shin. It travels further, through the passenger door of the Pantera and inserts itself into the left buttock of the young lady. She squeals, squeezing and upturning her hot coffee, purchased moments earlier from the petrol station, all over the lap of her young husband. Startled, he unintentionally steers the car directly under an oncoming cement truck and is killed instantly.
That, I guess, just about takes care of O'Tooles law.
Kavanagh's Law
Ambulances arrive taking our two young accident victims to a nearby suburban hospital. The boy's leg is saved by modern surgical medicine and doctors easily remove the metal from the young lady's flesh. Her injuries appear minimal but she is in shock. Doctors do not consider this shock to be unexpected after such an horrific turn of events; they sedate her and keep her in hospital for observation until someone can take her home.
It's now Wednesday morning and two police officers arrive at the hospital to interview the rider of the unregistered motorcycle who is now out of recovery and in the hospital ward. About this time, doctors are becoming increasingly concerned about the condition of the young, blonde woman. She has not come out of shock, in fact it has worsened, she also appears to be undergoing a severe allergic reaction to something.
Blood tests are ordered. Nothing can be ascertained immediately till a young buckaroo, maverick intern puts two and two together and considers that bone marrow from the boys shattered leg has reacted with the girl's incompatible blood type causing an extreme reaction. The girls nervous system may be permanently damaged by this reaction, resulting in a grotesque facial contortion.
Meanwhile the girl's father, a wealthy Greek cruise liner operator has arrived from Santorini. He has engaged a barrister to extract every penny possible from the young culprit and his country.
Don't you just wish you had paid the registration and insurance prior to venturing onto the roads?
If the captain of the Titanic had understood Kavanagh's law, perhaps the movie world would be one subject poorer.
Oh well, it's been a busy day. I've had enough for one day. Anybody care to get drunk and go for a drive somewhere?
Perhaps we'd better not do that becauuu u uu uuuuuu
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